Shadow Selves Returning Through Spiritual Presence and Grief

Most of the shadows of this life are caused
by standing in one’s own sunshine.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

I am reminded of an image and inner vision that I have experienced, especially during meditation. I see shadows moving in and out and around me, and I wonder what these shadowy figures are. When I reach out to touch them, I experience that they are “Me’s” – lost selves -- separated by excessive levels of pain from past events and circumstances. They are moving – sometimes running -- around, trying to get my attention – wanting to come home – back to conscious contact with me. And I feel a sadness, an emptiness, and a different type of loneliness.

I sense that I lost selves when I experienced massive abandonment and separation – emotional pain. And I have experienced the regaining of lost selves when my God’s Presence was restored to my mental processes.


There are wonderful treasures of selves and spiritual enlightenment hidden within these shadows. We must connect with a higher Presence of loving Light in order for our darkness to be changed into this spiritual enlightenment – the restoration of our lost selves.

This conscious experience of our shadowy selves can be a wonderful gift of awakening and spiritual enlightenment. But first it may produce a terrifying sense of hopelessness and loss. In any case something will change – as our shadowed selves step back into consciousness, and once again – become Light.

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The Myth of Santa God -- Grief and the Loss of Myths

Bill W. from Alcoholics Anonymous
Some of us have been violently anti-religious. To others, the word “God” brought up a particular idea of Him with which someone had tried to impress them during childhood...
We looked upon this world of warring individuals, warring theological systems, and inexplicable calamity, with deep skepticism.

Today, I attended two spiritual support meetings for alcoholics – and I listened.

The first meeting discussed Step 2 of the Twelve Steps, and the word “God”. Step Two says, “We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”

As I listened, I remembered as a child being taught to believe in Santa Claus – paralleled by being taught to believe in God. Santa rewarded good little boys and girls for good behavior all year long – “you reap what you sow.” Santa kept a list, and checked it twice, going to find out who has been naughty or nice – kind of like eventually everyone will stand before God at the white throne judgment to give an account of all their “sins”. And you write a letter to Santa telling him what you wanted – “if you ask anything in faith believing, God will give it to you.”

Interesting and amazing parallels of mythology.

Fortunately it only took nine or ten years to demythologize Santa. Unfortunately, it took another twenty five years, and major helpless and hopeless depression and alcoholism before I could demythologize “God”. Santa God was my last remaining hope that someday I would stop hurting – if I could just find out his “will” – rules and demands – and then I would choose to meet them. Without Santa God, I was not waiting a year to get what I “wanted” – but an eternity.

In my hopeless and helpless state of mind and heart, I was brought to a fork in the road of my life. I would continue my useless myth of “God”, or I would risk a different course and direction. I would have to consciously face my endless shame and dread of impending doom – the expectation of getting what I believed I deserved -- or trying again – over and over – to be “good enough”.

I realize now, over twenty years later, that the lie that kept the myth of God alive was the lie of “free will” Religion traditionally has needed a “hell”, and a punishment for ‘sin” in order to operate. And consequently, it has needed “free will” and choice to justify and defend its judgment and condemnation. If a person has no choice, he or she cannot technically be held responsible. (Actually, having no choice or free will does not take away consequences only “eternal damnation” and abandonment.)

The fork in the road was between continuing to believe the religious myth of God, and moving into intimate conscious Presence with a Higher Power or spirituality. The fork was Step One of the Twelve Steps:
"We admitted we were powerless – that our lives had become unmanageable."

In my experience, I “turned” when I experienced, admitted, and accepted that I was powerless over my perceptions, reactions, and actions – I do not have – alone – any will or power to choose my attitudes or behavior. I had to consciously experience my desperate and helpless hopelessness to change, and to be empowered to act in my own best interests. My conscious and willing experience of my wretched pain opened my heart, and with the help of others, I experienced an intimacy beyond mental thought and reasoning, that began changing my perceptions, reactions and actions. Bathed in Their intimate Presence, I began to heal. And my life began to become a better and better place.

Today, we (Mom, Dad and me) seem to be as intimate and close as my level of conscious experience of my powerlessness. The myths disappear – and in my heart I can be what is real – their unconditionally beloved son.

Bill W. from Alcoholics Anonymous.
Our human resources, as marshalled by the will, were not sufficient; they failed utterly.
Lack of power, that was our dilemma. We had to find a power by which we could live, and it had to be a Power greater than ourselves.....As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully, as we became conscious of His Presence, we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow, and the hereafter. We were REBORN.

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Accepting Truth Through Daily Inspirations

Our basic recovery concept that never loses its power to work miracles is the concept called acceptance.

We do not achieve acceptance in a moment. We often have to work through a mirage of feelings – sometimes anger, outrage, shame, self-pity, or sadness. But if acceptance is our goal, we will achieve it.

What is more freeing than to laugh at our weaknesses and to be grateful for our strengths? To know the entire package called “us” with all our feelings, thoughts, tendencies, and history – is worthy of acceptance and brings healing feelings.

To accept our circumstances is another miraculous cure. For anything to change or anyone to change, we must first accept ourselves, others, and circumstance exactly as they are. The, we need to take it one step further. We need to become grateful for ourselves or our circumstance. We add a touch of faith by saying, “I know this is exactly the way it’s supposed to be for the moment.”

No matter how complicated we get, the basics never lose their power to restore us to sanity.

Today, God, help me practice the concept of acceptance in my life. Help me accept myself, others and circumstances. Take me one step further, and help me feel grateful.

Melodie Beattie The Language of Letting Go

Take the wizard’s view and welcome all losses, even the ultimate loss of death… Just loosen your grasp a little.. and remember: whatever you hold on to is already dead, because it is past. Die to every moment and you will discover the gate to unending life.

Merlin, The Way of the Wizard by Deepak Chopra

To know the truth about any condition heals it. Jesus said, And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. (John 8:32)

Emmet Fox

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