Showing posts with label Twelve Steps. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Twelve Steps. Show all posts

Sunday, August 15, 2010

What Do We Really Want? -- Grief and Spiritual Awakening


“The problem with doing what we want is that we don't know what we want .... powerlessness .... but our Higher Power knows – and Their will for me is what I “really” want – but don’t know it .....what happens is my life today is what I “want” – even if my humanness disagrees – all there is and can be is God’s will ..... right at this moment, my humanness is anxious about today’s outcomes ....How do I receive and accept Their gifts for me today? .... “ My Journal (posted on Facebook Saturday, August 14, 2010)


(Responses on Facebook at end of article. Thanks to everyone for sharing)

The challenge for me regarding what I want is that everything I perceive is filtered through my human brain, which attaches a good or bad rating to each molecule, and each unit of perception ....

Going back to the metaphor of the Garden of Eden, the curse was the perception or “knowledge” of good and evil .... at that point the illusion of good and bad was programmed into the human brain, and when the perceptual question is asked, “are you a good witch or a bad witch?” (Wizard of Oz), the answer will always be we and they and it are bad – frequently disguised in the thought and experience of “just not good enough” ....

In the context of the concepts of wants and needs, I will never be satisfied, because my brain will assert its “knowledge of good and evil” and nothing will ever be good enough – I will never be content or truly happy .... the best I can hope for is to be inebriated on thought or some other brain altering substance ....

The “knowledge of good and evil” is ultimately the foundation of separation from my God .... the temptation in the Eden metaphor was that they would become “like God” – without “needing” God .... and separation from God, from themselves, and from each other occurred – They were “ashamed” --- before there was no good and bad – but now, they were naked, and they experienced the shame of being bad – not good enough – abandoned and separated ... and they damned themselves to suffering and death for their perceived “sins” .... actually there was and is no “sin” – only shame = the perception and reaction of deserved separation and loneliness....

I spent most of my life trying to determine what God’s Will was. My brain – dominated by right/wrong, good/bad filter programming assigned the thought label of God’s Will to what I did and what occurred that seemed to be good or right ..... frequently this was just a judgment based on the results of outcomes .... when others seemed pleased – good or right .... if others were displeased – wrong and bad..... and I would punish myself accordingly .... I have never “needed” a “God” to create a hell for me suffer in....

For me, as all of the Twelve Steps converged on Step Eleven, I began to experience that as my conscious contact with my God improved, I began to see my self, and my life from their eyes .... as that occurred, I began to lose incrementaly the effects of the good/ bad mental programming filter .... with the “knowledge of God’s will for me” came an increasing awareness that all is good, and that my human self, without my God’s conscious Presence could not live that awareness ....

The material world and its inhabitants – including myself -- do not operate comfortably within such a radical “mental awakening” .... intimate Presence with God, for me, must be practiced as a life style, or my humanness will make outcomes appear life and death, right and wrong ... and I will ultimately be miserable no matter the outcome ...... when I have gotten the outcomes I “wanted” I was still restless, irritible, and discontented out of fear that I would lose my outcome and/or that the next outcome would be “bad” – “unwanted.”

“Having had a spiritual awakening, as the result of these steps ...... we practiced these principles in all affairs.”


Responses on Facebook to the original post:

Drollene B: If we need a lot of things to make us happy, we can cut down the possibility for unhappiness by paring down the list of needs and downgrade them to wants. If we have a long list of wants, thinking having them would make us happy, we can cut the criteria for happiness by downgrading our wants to preferences. If we have only preferences, we can always be happy. I think it's something to strive for. I'm not there yet.

Joseph P. Where we've been wrong is in the belief that we exist. At least in some concept of separateness and individuality. Such is the egoic illusion. The space in which this phantasmic self exists is merely holding a place in time and space better used as a channel for God's love, comfort, Light, forgiveness, peace. There is no MY will, only God's will and the opportunity to fall into harmony with it.

Gary S, Keep it simple.

Courteney B. Keeping my need/wants vs want/needs is what i strive for. when we get something we want we may not be ready for it, as it's 'our' will, not gods. we then may have to ask for it to be removed and clean up another mess, been there myself. :)

Drollene B. Okay, Gary, here it is, simple: Need nothing, want nothing, be happy with what comes when it comes.




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Friday, August 6, 2010

What Are Our Choices? Grieving Our "Mistakes"


The following is a very intense Facebook conversation that my self, and my wonderful “ friends” had about “Choice”. I believe that as we listen to each others’ voices, we can begin to recognize our God’s Voice – loving Presence – in our others’ words. God is here …. And trying to reach and love us ….. I have a need to listen, feel, and experience their Presence – without shaming and blaming my self with false beliefs in abilities I do not have.
I am wishing you God’s Presence as you listen to our voices......
Will Wass: FB post: “If we choose to take the wrong path, it's usually our sanity that we seem to lose first…..”
Question: if we have the ability to chose between different choices, why would we deliberately chose the “wrong path”? …. Our culture seems addicted to the illusion of “choice” …. Like in the Garden of Eden, the temptation was that they would be like God, knowing good and evil …. they would be able to make conscious choices without needing a relationship with God …. Maybe -- the offer is still open …. Just bite the fruit of knowledge and engage self-will …. Or maybe – give up the fruit, and our powerless self-wills, and consciously connect to Their loving Presence – become our true and God created Selves ….
Lori C Thanks I needed to read this!

Melanie R I can’t answer that ….I have been choosing the wrong path for 2 years now. If someone knows how to avoid the wrong path, please let me know.

Will Wass Melanie: Maybe --- you haven't been "choosing" .... maybe in our disconnectedness from our God, we have lost the ability to know the truth, and to make healthy sane choices ... Maybe we need to reconnect to our God, and let Them empower us with Their loving care to know and live Their loving and perfect plan/will for our lives .... If we "chose" wrong, maybe we didn't "chose" -- maybe we were powerless ...
Thanks

Craig W One of the main reasons is we as humans are attracted to different things, things dangerous or risky, things that give us the illusion of being better than what we have and more. An example is a man or woman who is married but get caught up in having extra marital affairs, and the ones who leave for another person. You know the old saying
"The grass always looks greener on the other side.” Another thing to remember are those who make stupid choices because of thinking it will make them look better or be liked more all because they have no confidence in their selves.

Tara M For myself I didn't feel deserving of the good. So I would sabotage myself by making the wrong choices. Thank God I don't live my life like that today.

Deborah H low self esteem or a lack of loving self was my problem....before I got to know God had a lot to do with bad decisions in my life....make better decision today,,,, Thank you GOD

Mindy M.W I may not always know what the exact "right" choice is, but almost ALWAYS know what it is NOT. If I can't be sure, I pray, wait until the right answer comes. When in doubt-do the opposite!

Lynda K Definitely I had always been my own worst enemy! Self sabotage...

Nancy D When I have taken the wrong path it has always been a conscious decision; a choice. I have chosen insanity for the freedom of it -- with that came the ability to forget about having a conscience, responsibilities, and any good I had been...

Shanni F Guess the question lies in what is meant by "wrong" path . . . paths may be wrong for me in one way (perhaps in the short term) but right for me in another way (perhaps in the long term). I choose what is seemingly the wrong path sometimes because I am looking for an easier softer way, or because I think I can get away with something, but invariably I have grown and learned things from those journeys that I could not have learned another way. "There are no wrong choices, just different consequences." I have lost my sanity many times only to find that I wasn't really sane before I thought I lost it.

Bryan B I took the path less traveled by and that made all the difference!

Janis D It's not what you know that's wrong, it’s what you know. Laney R.

Will Wass Nancy: perhaps the event was conscious, but the choice was not .... I have observed my self say and do things totally opposite to what I had determined to do and say -- without any ability to stop .... I was conscious but I was not doing what I had chosen to do.... and if we had a choice, why would we chose insanity and pain.... Thanks for your helpful sharing..

Will Wass Shanni: I agree.... there really are no wrong choices -- just unexpected consequences .... My God can take what is perceived as "wrong choices" and turn them into spiritual gifts, if I turn the outcomes over to Them..... spiritual growth experiences .... In our spiritual life maintenance group (Twelve Steps) today we talked about telling a sponsor or recovering friend about our perceptions and reactions so they can actually do our 10th Step inventory for us .... because we can't trust our own sanity in reviewing ourselves .... Thanks for your comments.....

Dave D If we did not have the power of choice we would be like robots. People make wrong choices for a variety of reasons. Consequence is a part of life. God as our Father wants so much be a part of our decision making process but it is our choice rather to listen or not to act or not according to His will!!! The father of the prodigal son is the ideal picture of God. The son made the choice to say give me and the father gave.

Will Wass Dave: I don't believe that I have the power of choice .... it is my personal experience that in the past, I have "decided" -- "chosen" -- to do certain things, and found my self unable to do "it" .... The metaphor of my experience is this: imagine having an electrical appliance that has been properly manufactured electrically to do a certain task .... it is delivered to your house and set up in the appropriate area of the house -- but not plugged into an outlet .... so we come in and begin pushing buttons and turning knobs, and doing what the instructions say we should do to make it work .... but as long as it is not plugged in to the power of electricity -- if electricity is not present -- it has the ability to operate but not the means to operate .... it is powerless ....

We are the same .... the temptation in the Garden of Eden was that they would be like God -- knowing right and wrong -- able to turn themselves on and off at will -- without being intimately connected to God .... and we see the consequences of their delusion, and of the same delusion with mankind .... we have no functional, operational will except to the extent we are intimately connected to our God .... Otherwise, we are tossed about by every wave of emotion -- compelled by instinctive mental forces from our reactions to pain and fear -- to do what ever brings temporary relief -- no matter its health, sanity, or long term consequences -- personal and moral destruction ....

It is my experience that religion has needed a reasoning that allowed it to blame people for their behavior and damn to hell if they did not conform to its rules … control ….and so it created the myth of free will to accomplish this agenda …. I only have an operational will to the level that I am intimately and consistently connected to a God of my personal experience and relationship …. And that begins with disconnecting my self from the tempting fruit of self will, by experiencing – painfully --- that I am indeed powerless …. helpless and doomed without my God’s loving conscious Presence …..

Apostle Paul: “For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not do; but what I hate, that I do. If, then, I do what I will not to do, I agree with the principles of good. But, now, it is no longer I who does it , but the shame (separation from God) that dwells in me ….” ….Rom. 7 ……. my experience, strength and hope …..

Without God's Presence, we are "robots" being operated by the mental programming of pain and fear -- shame and separation -- doing whatever necessary to avoid the incredible and wretched pain of separation from God, from our selves, and from others .... and without connecting intimately and consistently with his father, the prodigal son was doomed to do it all over again .... powerless ....
Thanks for your response ...








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Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Step e


I chaired a Twelve Meeting on the Eighth Step of the Twelve Steps this past week .... These are my notes and reflections.


Step Eight: Self-Forgiveness of Harms


Equivalent of 4-6 Steps: dependent on 1st three steps


1. Make a searching inventory of how we have seemingly harmed others;
2. Admit to God, our selves and another human being the exact nature of our harm: our fear, woundedness and powerlessness.
3. Become entirely ready to have God remove our guilt and shame for our harm of others.
4. Column 4 of 4th step: our part (where we had a part)
5. Difference from AA: exaggerated responsibility vs little to no responsibility.

Goal is forgiveness of our selves: goal is not to restore and repair relationships -- addiction to outcomes requires we not enter amends unless we are spiritually prepared.
1. Problem is the punishment and injury we inflict on ourselves for our perceived harm to others: forgiveness is to stop abandoning our selves for our harms of others – to see ourselves through God’s eyes.
2. Others must ultimately deal with their own resentments and pain: most non-recovering persons do not have the spiritual tools to do so.
3. Step One and Two are critical: acceptance that we are helpless to do otherwise –without establishing a conscious contact relationship with God.

Willingness must produce spiritual readiness: otherwise related discomfort –shame and resentment toward ourselves and others -- will sabotage efforts, on some level.

Perceived harm – not just real harm: having a negative attitude toward someone might feel like harm, but not actually be. (see notes 8/9/09)

Definition of “harm”:
1. Anything I did that I feel or felt guilt for doing. (perceived and real)
2. Separation from another: abandonment, abuse, neglect, betrayal.

Types of harm: factor in determining actual amends.
1. Active (lying, stealing, physical threat or harm .....)
2. Passive aggressive (e.g. sarcasm, “pushing buttons”)
3. Passive (e.g. silence, and ignoring of others)

Versions of harms: all harm ultimately is determined by perception, reaction, and memory. (for example, sarcasm – real or perceived?)
1. Real – black and white, clear (eg. Stealing, physical damage, verifiable actions .....)
2. Perceived by me.
3. Perceived by the other person.
4. Perceived by both by both of us.
5. Reviewed and verified or not verified by sponsor.

Types of amends status:
1. Ready
2. Not ready
3. Never

Spiritual Process:
1. Step One – powerlessness, so not because we were bad.
2. Step Two – need to have a close and conscious relationship with HP/God that can bring our forgiveness of ourselves. – restore to sanity with improving conscious contact with God.
3. Step Three – take the necessary action to trust God with our perceptions, and reactions of harm.

Barriers to amends that needs to be addressed:
1. Past harm from the other person, and current resentments.
2. Fear of abandonment, rejection, and abuse by other – and our selves when amends made:
3. Possibility that we will be reharmed by the other person
4. Lack of clarity regarding what is appropriate amends in each case.
5. Shame and guilt for what we have done – pain and fear.

Preparation:
1. Metaphor: alcoholic not to go into bar 1. unless has a clear and legitimate reason to be there, and 2. unless spiritually in a good place.
2. Some one addicted to outcomes: same for preparation for making amends.


Readings: from The Courage to Change
1. Page 101 – exaggerated sense of responsiblity
2. Page 162 – 3 categories of amends
3. Page 242 – dealing with guilt
4. Page 263 – the list and the 4th step





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Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Love Heals --- Grief and Regaining Ourselves


Love cures people, the ones who receive, and the ones that give it, too.
Karl A. Menninger

“Love” is an interesting word in our culture. People can love ice cream, clothes, movies, TV shows, vacation places – and other people. Somehow the same word does not seem to mean the same in each situation.

And yet, the impression we can get from others is that everyone knows exactly what the word means. Frequently this seems to really be a case of “missing identity.”

Dr. Menninger describes “love” as the cure for people. I agree with his statement, only I believe we have to clarify what aspect of spiritual healing “love” involves.

Perhaps a place to start is with what “illness” does humans have that needs to be “cured” – why do we need spiritual healing at all.

In my experience, all human illness is caused by separation – from God, from others, and most acutely from ourselves. The condition of humanness is one of loneliness, guilt, fear, pain, anger – and sadness. All of these symptoms are directly related and proportionate to our level of our personal separation and sense of abandonment.

So what does love do that can cure our disease of humanness? Maybe “love” is about being intimately reconnected to God, to others, and to ourselves.

My experience is that God interacts with humans by means of Presence – an unconditional availability and flow of “loving” interpersonal energy which could be the definition of “love”.

Perhaps, if we were to interact with others using unconditional attentiveness and companionship, and gifts of caringness – spiritual presence to others -- maybe we would find people who responded to this spiritual treatment, and experienced spiritual healing of their human condition. Maybe like Dr. Menninger said, we would also find ourselves experiencing spiritual healing and spiritual enlightenment as well.

Let’s try and see.





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Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Poem: "Re-emerging Selves" -- Grieving Our Lost Selves



My silence pounds walls of repetitive wordings,
living encapsulating in blocks of sound,
flashes of remembering
the unforgotten swirls of past moments –
events and experiences in the “Now”
of my human beingness.
Every object, event, coated
in emotional energy and glistening
with presence and absence – won and lost.
My mind has fashioned,
constructed…
reconstructed…
demolished….
and reconstructed…
so many selves of experience…
into narrow streams of solidified thought….
Dammed by survival…
resisting possible fluidity…
walls of blindness created in desperate silence…
I am….
We are…..
Reemerging…..
from desolation and destruction…..
looking … for what is still hidden…
so deep….
in the presents of the past.
From my Journal: March 5, 2008

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Where Do All The Voices Come From -- Grief and Regaining Ourselves



“So what's worse? Too many voices in your head or complete silence?“

This Facebook quote, along with recent writing and listening I have been doing, triggered some powerful new spiritual awakenings and experiences.

First, it is important to realize and experience that these voices are my “lost selves” – parts of me that were disconnected or dissociated from my actual Self in order to emotionally survive the emotional traumas of my life.

There are four awarenesses that I experienced about my inner voices:

1. When I experience confusion, memory losses, and difficulty making decisions, they is caused by being overwhelmed by these voices – lost selves --pressing me with their pain and fear and needs. Imagine being in a shopping mall full of people – at Christmas, and everyone turns and moves toward you – surrounding you --- talking, then yelling, then screaming information, feelings, demands, requestts, etc...... and imagine trying to process and survive the whole experience.


2. The majority of people survive and function within the material world and within relationships by using silence – the absence of consciousness of the voices. By depressing the operation of the neural pathways of the brain, the pirmitive brain instinctively turns off the sound of their voices. And when that doesn’t work, it will exaggerate, dramatize, generally flood the neural pathways with distracting new activity focused at external circumstances and outcomes – thought.



3. My experience is that we do not have the ability to listen, organize, and process their voices, and successfully address the needs that drives these lost selves into frenzied desperation.


4. What I need to do is to allow a simplification to occur – to become as a little child – in the loving, caring , ujnconditional Presence of my God, and to receive gentle guidance -- to help me move through the conscious experience and restoration of these lost selves. For me, my spiritual parents/guides operate through the Presence that resonates in others.

I perceive that the majority of human beings live materially “successful” lives in virtual silence -- not stillness – silence – the forced and constricted absence of sound -- not the quiet and flowing serenity of Presence. I define ‘success” experiencially as the reaching of enough life outcomes to be reasonably satisfied with life – often to notice of others as being accomplished or having “successfully” overcome sizable obstacles to do so. Most often, success, for humans, is perceived as being within the realm of objects and material outcomes, not relationships, closeness, or intimate awakenings.

“Success” in our modern culture typically entails the suppression of these inner voices – lost selves – in order to reach some external outcome. Consequently, I experience that those who our culture venerates with public media attention, as being the most “successful” are also the most unconscious. As I watch them, I experience the feeling that no one is home. I only experience their masks -- hiding deeper and deeply wounded selves.

The efficiency of unconsciousness – the dead and dying selves lie decomposing on the screens of our televisions and cinemas – in our politics, music, and entertainment. I feel sad. So much wonder and beauty of selves lost in the blinding glares of deafening outcomes.

If you are hearing your inner voices, too, and would like some comforting Presence, and direction, try some of these blogs that I have written, and feel free to contact me on Facebook, or by email.

We can all help each be restored to sanity – truer and more complete versions of ourselves. Our lost selves need us to improve our conscious intimate contact with our God so they can come home. We and they do not have to be alone today.

Click here: Finding Daily Inspirations

Returning to the Secret Garden of Lost Selves

Twelve Step Spiritual Life Management

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Returning to the Secret Garden of Lost Selves -- Grief and Loss




I was in a spiritual support group today where the topic was Step Five of the Twelve Steps:

We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs (the nature and symptoms of our emotional illness).


This step is the continuation of Step Four:

We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

In Step Five, we reach out to our God through the flesh and blood of another human being, and together we move away the debris that blocks the door to the Secret Garden... Will W.

For the complete article, click here: Returning to the Secret Garden of Lost Selves.



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Monday, April 12, 2010

Grief Changed by Closesness With Our God


God sends no one away except those who are full of themselves.
Dwight L. Moody

This is a cute quote, with some very experience-provoking ideas.

I would hasten to note that in my experience, strength and hope, my God has never sent me away -- ever. This concept of being sent away concerns me because our shame and guilt can grab this up and lead us into fear and separation – while God never changed or moved His and Her unconditional love and Presence.

One spiritual awareness to have here is it is possible to be in a state and mental condition where God cannot reach us – because of our unconscious resistance and unavailability.

Another spiritual awareness is that this occurs when we are mentally “full of ourselves” -- when there is no room for God’s Presence within our lives. There is “something” that can exist inside of us that blocks God’s intimate and caring love from entering our heart and lives.

This “something” is our wounded selves trying to protect us from harm, and in the process, harming us with separation from God. These wounded selves from our past are trying hard to protect us. They are like an auto-immune disease – like arthritis – where the body’s natural defense systems, in an attempt to protect the body, actually attacks and harms parts of the body.

Frequently this characteristic – self-protection by wounded selves – is angrily referred to as the “ego”. Our ego is a collection of lost past selves that have formed together inside our brain in an attempt to protect us from separation and abandonment, and in the process actually causes separation and abandonment in the process. Our ego fills our brain with fear and anger, which separates us from others, from our God, and from ourselves.

For this diseased process to end and God’s loving Presence to begin to flow into our hearts, we must address the woundedness of our ego. First of all, our ego selves need to be accepted and not resisted. They are our heroes – as misguided as they are. They have fought to keep us safe in insane and abusive situations.

They need to be nurtured with increasing higher Presence, back into loving health and sanity. They were created in the pain and in the fear of abandonment – and more abandonment will make more determined to protect – at any cost. They need to be given high doses of God’s Presence through spiritual enlightenment – daily inspirations, the experience of precious moments with others and God, and the spiritual support of spiritual coaches and guides.

There is an unlimited supply of Presence and love available to us from God. We must empty our selves of the wounds and infection of our lost selves –ego – and be restored to a growing openness to the God of our personal spiritual experience.



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Monday, April 5, 2010

Spiritual Healing and the Fourth Step -- Grief and Loss




The Courage to Change May 4th
Recovery is a wonderful word. It means getting something back. Today I will try to remember that that something is me.

If a man happens to find himself ....he has a mansion which he can inhabit with dignity all the days of his life.
James Michener

Isn’t it exasperating to go to the grocery for an item, only to find the shelf empty? Fortunately grocers can correct that situation by taking inventory to learn which shelves need replenishment.
The Courage to Change.

We all wish good things to happen to us, but we cannot just pray and then sit down and expect miracles to happen. We must back up our prayers with action.
Freedom from Despair

Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised.
American Proverb

All progress must grow from a seed of self-appreciation...
The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage

As I worked my way through Step Four, I listed my character traits as honestly as I could. I was struck by a great irony: Many things I had once thought of as virtues – taking care of everyone around me, worrying about other people’s lives sacrificing my own happiness and prosperity – turned out to be the causes of my misery.
The Courage of To Change November 28th


To see article, click here, Spiritual Healing and The Fourth Step.




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Saturday, March 20, 2010

Following Grief Back to the Heart of Presence



It is good to have an end to journey towards;
but it is the journey that matters in the end.

Ursula LeGuin

What is the meaning of life? A seemingly absurd question considering no one really “knows” the answer. Perhaps the closest answer is the one given by Jack Palance as a rough and worn cowboy in the movie “City Slickers”. He said that the meaning of life is “one thing” – just one thing. Find one thing that means the most to you, and make that the center of your life. Focusing on too many things destroys the meaning of life.

In my experience, the meaning of life is “Presence in the Present”. To experience God – our higher Presence – in this precious moment of time – the Present – that is the truest “meaning of life”. To feel and be totally human and conscious, and consciously connected to God – in this exact moment – gives a dimension to life that overwhelmingly amazing and freeing.

It’s ok to have goals and plans – except when they take us out of our precious moments and into the terrorfying future. We are – each moment – in a sparkle of meaning and love – when we are Present in Presence within our journey.

In math, a line between two points is composed of an infinite number of points. When we are present in this moment, we are approaching an eternity of beingness – the ultimate intimacy and closeness with God, ourselves and others.

So how do we live in the journey and not in the deception of the destination?

It’s impossible for me to do that. This is my starting point. My brain does not operate in present moments. It is always miles of ahead of where I am.
And I cannot stop this.

Second, for me, only inserting the higher Presence of my God into the present can stop my brain at this precious moment. Inspirational life quotes, inspirational readings, music, journaling, and the voice of God in others’ lips – all of these are means of increasing my conscious connection to my God – the meaning of life.

Third, for me, is to take action – do something – act as if God is taking me into this moment – act as if I am loved, safe, and guided. Many times it is as simple as taking the next breath, and taking the next step – being present in each motion forward as an expression of my trust in Their loving Presence and intent.

We have all been given a journey – an infinite number of precious moments -- opportunities for intimacy and meaning with our God. Let us breathe -- touch the hand of our higher Presence -- and step deeply into each precious moment -- our journey to the heart of Presence.




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Thursday, March 18, 2010

Laughter and Tears -- Moving From Grief to Life


I would not exchange the laughter of my heart for the fortunes of the multitudes: nor would I be content with converting my tears…into calm. It is my fervent hope that my whole life on this earth will ever be tears and laughter.
Kahlil Gibran

A story is told of a man who died and woke up in a beautiful bed, in a magnificent bedroom, in huge mansion. As he looked around in amazement and wonder, he thought to himself that he was hungry and some pancakes would taste good. Immediately the door opened, beautiful servants brought in the most wonderful, perfectly cooked and warm pancakes with the best syrup he had ever tasted. The orange juice was hand squeezed and perfectly sweet and tart. Everything was wonderful.

When he was finished, he thought how he would like to get dressed and go see this place. Immediately servants came into the room with just what he wanted to wear – and extremely comfortable. He was helped to get dressed and escorted downstairs, through the house, and out onto the grounds. And as he proceeded, everything he thought of that he wanted immediately was brought to him.

This went on for several days, and he began to become a little uneasy about all the immediate attention and every want being met as soon as he thought it. So he spoke with the head butler, and asked him to stop everyone from giving him everything he thought he wanted. The butler told him that it wasn’t possible to stop doing this. The man became upset, and angrily said, “Heaven just isn’t the way I thought it would be!”

The butler smiled and said, “Who said you were in heaven?”

The human illusion is that if we had everything we wanted, the way we wanted it, we would be happy. So we struggle and scheme and contrive, trying to get control of our circumstances. And when it doesn’t go our way, our lives are ruined and seemingly hopelessly lacking. But it is not our circumstances, but the wounded filters of our brain that are causing our unhappiness.

“I would not exchange the laughter of my heart for the fortunes of the multitudes...” “What doth it profit a man if he gain the whole world and lose his own soul?” (Bible) The material world seems to possess the control over our happiness since having material wealth seems to give us control over outcomes. And the insanity of humanness is the belief that outcomes determine our happiness.

A heart that can laugh – and cry – can love and be loved – can experience the higher and caring Presence that overrides human circumstances and outcomes. To be able to experience the humanness of living gives us the chance to experience the spiritual, intimate, and totally amazing.

The greatest hope and gift we can have is that we will never lose our laughter -- and our tears – to be fully and consciously human.
If we lose our human consciousness, we become dead to God’s loving and life changing Presence. We become the “undead” – no one home – feeding off of others and ourselves -- without ever knowing that we no longer exist.

Today, let’s take time to laugh – and let’s take time to cry – and in being fully human allow God to become fully Present – giving us Their fullness of love and caring joy and peace. This is a day of celebration that we are consciously alive – and we are not alone.



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Tuesday, March 16, 2010

The Myth of Santa God -- Grief and the Loss of Myths




Bill W. from Alcoholics Anonymous
Some of us have been violently anti-religious. To others, the word “God” brought up a particular idea of Him with which someone had tried to impress them during childhood...
We looked upon this world of warring individuals, warring theological systems, and inexplicable calamity, with deep skepticism.


Today, I attended two spiritual support meetings for alcoholics – and I listened.

The first meeting discussed Step 2 of the Twelve Steps, and the word “God”. Step Two says, “We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”

As I listened, I remembered as a child being taught to believe in Santa Claus – paralleled by being taught to believe in God. Santa rewarded good little boys and girls for good behavior all year long – “you reap what you sow.” Santa kept a list, and checked it twice, going to find out who has been naughty or nice – kind of like eventually everyone will stand before God at the white throne judgment to give an account of all their “sins”. And you write a letter to Santa telling him what you wanted – “if you ask anything in faith believing, God will give it to you.”

Interesting and amazing parallels of mythology.

Fortunately it only took nine or ten years to demythologize Santa. Unfortunately, it took another twenty five years, and major helpless and hopeless depression and alcoholism before I could demythologize “God”. Santa God was my last remaining hope that someday I would stop hurting – if I could just find out his “will” – rules and demands – and then I would choose to meet them. Without Santa God, I was not waiting a year to get what I “wanted” – but an eternity.

In my hopeless and helpless state of mind and heart, I was brought to a fork in the road of my life. I would continue my useless myth of “God”, or I would risk a different course and direction. I would have to consciously face my endless shame and dread of impending doom – the expectation of getting what I believed I deserved -- or trying again – over and over – to be “good enough”.

I realize now, over twenty years later, that the lie that kept the myth of God alive was the lie of “free will” Religion traditionally has needed a “hell”, and a punishment for ‘sin” in order to operate. And consequently, it has needed “free will” and choice to justify and defend its judgment and condemnation. If a person has no choice, he or she cannot technically be held responsible. (Actually, having no choice or free will does not take away consequences only “eternal damnation” and abandonment.)

The fork in the road was between continuing to believe the religious myth of God, and moving into intimate conscious Presence with a Higher Power or spirituality. The fork was Step One of the Twelve Steps:
"We admitted we were powerless – that our lives had become unmanageable."

In my experience, I “turned” when I experienced, admitted, and accepted that I was powerless over my perceptions, reactions, and actions – I do not have – alone – any will or power to choose my attitudes or behavior. I had to consciously experience my desperate and helpless hopelessness to change, and to be empowered to act in my own best interests. My conscious and willing experience of my wretched pain opened my heart, and with the help of others, I experienced an intimacy beyond mental thought and reasoning, that began changing my perceptions, reactions and actions. Bathed in Their intimate Presence, I began to heal. And my life began to become a better and better place.

Today, we (Mom, Dad and me) seem to be as intimate and close as my level of conscious experience of my powerlessness. The myths disappear – and in my heart I can be what is real – their unconditionally beloved son.

Bill W. from Alcoholics Anonymous.
Our human resources, as marshalled by the will, were not sufficient; they failed utterly.
Lack of power, that was our dilemma. We had to find a power by which we could live, and it had to be a Power greater than ourselves.....As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully, as we became conscious of His Presence, we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow, and the hereafter. We were REBORN.






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